Funny that I forgot I wrote that. I keep thinking this is here just for me to make promises to myself to still be here tomorrow. Today's one of those days where I need to make that promise.

Less than a week after Tora died, we had to have Nagi put under for a five hour surgery on her hip joints. She came through perfectly. She's still half shaved, but it's growing back, and she's a lot less neurotic than she used to be. Amazing what an absence of chronic pain will do for your personality, I guess.

But I keep dreaming about petting Tora, and waking up sad.

I had another dream two nights ago which is affecting me, I don't know that I want to describe it, because that'll make it worse, I think.

My partner's got a new job. We can't really afford for me to find a new shrink. And I gave up on the antipsychotic on Veterans' Day, it's almost a funny story, I guess, in the way that you can pretty often make horrible things funny if you just don't care about them enough. It might be why my dreams are really turning on me again lately, but I've always had horrible nightmares, it's why I don't sleep.

Anyway, in addition to twenty-four-hour promises, I guess this can be my new shrink. I can't imagine anyone's reading it, but I can tell myself someone somewhere is so I'm not just promising myself. That makes it about the perfect place to be the mes that I try hard not to be in front of people whose opinions I care about. Lame, I know.

Anyway, I'll still be here tomorrow. Nothing's off the table, but it's not like if I don't in the next day, I'll never get a chance to. So I can spend a day saying I said I would wait, and who knows, maybe it'll get better.